Somehow I've lost the impetus to write. Perhaps I just don't want to confront my feelings. In the past two weeks some significant things have happened. I quit my job. By the time I surrender my employment pass and walk out the door, it will have been three years and three months. Soon it will be the start of another chapter. I'm excited about the things I will be able to do, but mostly I'm a little afraid.
Also, there've been new developments at home. At long last, we've taken large leaps towards trying to improve the situation. I am hopeful that it's not too late, but part of me fears that we waited too long and that damage has been done. It's taken years to get here. Why only now? What lessons were imperative for us to learn in all that time during which the answer was 'Not yet'?
And then there's the issue of the sacrifice. I imagine him alone and lost in a room full of strangers and the thought kills me. I don't know how soon this will happen but I don't imagine we have a lot of time left. I love you and miss you and I'm really very sorry.
posted by beautiful at 9:53 am
