What a difference a day makes. Just 48 hours or so ago, I was thinking about life and how uninspired it has become. I have always thought of my life as operating at 70% satisfaction. I assumed this had a lot to do with so many of my good friends being away from home. But then this month, three of them come back, albeit temporarily. And yet nothing stirs inside. I decided that maybe what I needed was simply to get out of this country. I desperately need a breather. It's a very long wait to September.

And then today happened. A day of very ordinary beginnings. The usual 8am wake up call. The usual morning grouchiness. But then a very stimulating conversation in the taxi.

Who are my good friends? Who are my very good friends? Who's in my inner circle? What are the parameters that separate each tier? When I'll show them my true colours? When I demand more than ever? When you're the first person I call when disaster strikes? Are your parameters the same as mine? Are there universal truths about friendship?

Then three minutes with my boss. Three very sobering minutes. I walked out feeling as if my ass had been kicked in a good way. Felt like I'd been injected with a dose of life. Then over dinner with Irene, making plans to eat kushiyaki when Deborah returns this Sunday. For once, I was beginning to feel a twinge of excitement. Then being reminded by Ling that Suede is sexy. Yes, Suede is very sexy. Suede is fucking sexy. Where has all my passion gone? What are they again?

Very good music. A very good conversation. Mind-blowing food with good wine. Even better if it's with people whose company I enjoy. A nice walk. (I had the most awesome walk last Saturday evening home from church.) A well-written line. Stalking down the street in a foreign city. Thought-provoking art.

And then some of the best feelings. Twelve hours of sleep. Being underwater. The warmth of chilled white wine on your throat. A very good conversation. A shower and then sinking into bed. Receiving a text message. Laughing.

I need to start making plans. But more than that, I need to make my plans happen.

posted by beautiful at 6:42 am