The other day, I experienced a big wake-up call. I told my friend that I'm starting to live for the week-ends. And then he told me that he can't stand the idea of living a single day where he has nothing to look forward to. That simple statement, so un-profound, and so self-indulgent on an entirely different level, was something that really sent shocks reeling through my brain. I'd never before contemplated the notion that everyday could and should be something special. Even worse, I'd never realised before the huge responsibility I have in creating my own happiness. I'd always taken it for granted that good things and good days were handed to me on very special occasions, if I'd earned enough karma points and if God was feeling generous. I never thought that happiness was literally in my own hands. Not in the 'channel love outwards and feel it seep back into your life' way, but in the 'actually do something that makes you happy' way. That means finding the simple pleasures in life that put a smile on my face, finding something to look forward to in each day, and being thankful for it. So in the past week, I have reflected at the end of each work day, on the things that have made that day good. Sometimes I psyche myself up before getting out of bed by telling myself about the task that awaits me at my desk when I get to work. Sometimes I tingle with anticpation at the thought of coming home to a lazy lie-in with a magazine that starts at 9pm. Today, the event that made life good was attending my first press conference and coming out of it alive. And then as I left work, the thing that made life better was knowing that I was going home. So yes, finally, after months of knowing that the key to a better life is a changed heart, not changed circumstances, I now know exactly what I'm supposed to do. It's not about praying inertly for God to strike your heart and somehow infuse it with newfound passion. It's about actively doing what you can to make your life a better one, one day at a time.

posted by beautiful at 6:24 am