I was looking at Kwa's post about her awesome weekend and reflected on mine. I won't deny that there have been great things about the past three days, such as Lisa's phone call to me, meeting Irene again after the past few weeks, finishing off my killer 18th century assignment, finally booking my plane ticket for the grad trip Karen and I have been wanting so badly to take... This grad trip is one that I've fought hard for. Many, many plans were made and abandoned along the way. Somehow this one just fell into place. We hadn't even been toying with the idea very long, but before we knew it we were looking at ticket prices, and the next thing we knew, we'd booked them. I remember once saying to myself that if it was God's plan then yes, I'd eventually go back again someday. I'd half resigned myself to not making that return trip. Now I'm starting to see that maybe my wish is coming true, and that maybe there is a greater reason, a larger purpose, and maybe, just maybe, it fits into a tiny part of God's grand plan. Because it happened, just like that.

But no, it's not as easy as it sounds. The fight still continues but in a very different way. I confess I anticipated this, but under no circumstances am I going to throw in the towel, in no way am I ever going to say 'I regret this, fine, I'm going to stay'. I repeat, it happened just like that. This grad trip is going to happen and it's going to be so fucking good, it's going to make your every trip out of the country look like an excursion to fucking Marine Parade. Because I'm going with a dear friend, I'm going to see more dear friends, and I'm going to a place that in my heart, feels like home. And the best part is, I won't see your bastard face for at least three weeks.

posted by beautiful at 11:24 am

No point getting angry now, he's not even here.

Bring it tomorrow.

I'm torn between losing my temper, tearing him apart and feeding his flesh piece by piece to the dogs... Or being completely, utterly, blameless.

posted by beautiful at 6:29 am

This was meant only to come up after the exams in a joint project with Karen called "The Stupid Lies That Men Don't Know They Tell". But since I am once again confronted with the glaring ignorance of one particular guy whose only mode of perceiving the world is PENILE, I am forced to vent here, at 1.25am, instead of bulldozing my way through 350 more pages of Jane Austen's anti-feminist 'roo-bish'. Take this as the female version of the premature ejaculation.

YOU. I have no idea how to tell you that your idea of honesty is juvenile. Candour is not honesty. And honesty is only desirable insofar as it is productive; you do not need to lay your guttered mind bare before me even if it is what I want to hear, when this is clearly not what I need, or what we need--the last thing we need is to complicate what is potentially a great friendship, by going back to the very same place that we wanted to avoid by making the very decision that we did. I'm sticking to my guns, but ARE YOU? You're undercutting yourself over and over again when I've told you before not to, because this doesn't make things easier, and because no matter what the bloody truth is, it's not going to work.

You want your fucking cake? Fine. But don't come eat it in front of me when it's possibly something I want very much, but I struggle to deny because unlike you, I have a brain to which my private parts are NOT a tributary. Don't get me wrong alright. I like you very much, and you're a wonderful friend to have when I overlook the fact that you really are a moron without half a clue. Now just stop being a man who doesn't listen and doesn't attempt to make use of his cerebral regions and doesn't stop for a minute to think about CONSEQUENCES and start being a real friend to me. It's not that hard.

MEN! *spits*

posted by beautiful at 9:22 am