Some nights are particularly hard to get through. Even after I've weighed things up and know quite instinctively the truth of the matter, and even after I've reasoned that this really is the best option and no other path will eventually lead me to the right place as this one, yet I suspect that in weaker moments, of which there are plenty, I would drop this all in a heartbeat and commit the biggest fucking mistake I can possibly conceive of. I would drag myself through the mire just to gratify the desires of the present. The best part? This gratification comes at a high price that I alone will pay. No. I demand equity. I demand vindication. Because I resent the fact that I suspended my inhibitions and lay it all on the line, but still ended up drawing the shorter straw. What do you call this again? Toxic?

posted by beautiful at 7:22 am