After yet another really good Mass yesterday, Kwa, Karen, Mello and I made a speedy getaway to Walas. Mel pointed out that it's been a really long time since the four of us hung out together, which is true. So I guess it's kinda bad form that we spent the entire night playing horrible tricks on her. My favourite was the one where I faked a spontaneous kiss on her cheek and left a huge red smear on it, and without realising it she ran off to slut--I mean talk--to the band members while we sat at the table and laughed at her. Thanks Mel for being such a good sport!
So anyway, it was my first time back at Walas in like, half a year. The band still has
amazing synergy. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have music in my life. There is always a song for every occasion; one to match my mood; one to induce a natural high; one that sums up what my aspirations are. This time of the year, I'm going to struggle very hard, my thankful heart taking on the part of me which wants it all. And I will remember each time the God who struggles with me in the desert.
--
I just saw a film that's touched me in the way nothing has since I read
Love and Poison. I'm breathless. It's a film about the desire for control, about the worth and potential of a single life, the strained relationship between man and God, man and society, man and self.
I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... let's evolve, let the chips fall where they may. It is self-conscious and brutally honest about the vulnerability that inhabits our being. The narrator is in turn the lack of surprise, a broken heart, a wasted life, an inflamed sense of rejection; all the embarrassingly pathetic emotions of our existence that we'll hide from the person next to us at any cost.
You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me. It really is quite funny.
posted by beautiful at 9:52 pm
Since 5pm today, I've been in a state of total exhilaration. It doesn't matter that after six days of studying physics, I still had to fabricate answers and resort to unintelligent guesswork. I had a fantastic day in school: playing cards, laughing, attending Ash Wednesday Mass, having dinner and sharing my sulphurous soda lime with everyone at my table. I've come to realise that school should not become the be all and end all of my life, which is what it's always been, as my mum pointed out to me today during breakfast. I felt this twang of sadness when she said that. It just goes to show how I've neglected the much more important things in my life, and how I've let down the people who really do love me. This realisation is timely, coinciding with the fact that the next 40 days, as Father pointed out, will be a happy time, a time of reunifying our hearts and minds with the will of God. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and that I've been set free. Lent is off to a very good start indeed.
posted by beautiful at 7:05 am
