So this is it. Five months gone by and done with. Strangely I don't feel the deep sadness I thought I'd feel at leaving. I feel excitement instead at the prospect of yet another journey. The packing is at last done, but only because I had someone by my side to help me do it; kind of like how Karen had to help me pack before I left. It's been such a fantastic experience all in all, I think one of the great joys of the past few months has come from living a life for myself simply because I'd been removed from the emotional attachments and obligations that come from living at home. So I came, I studied hard, partied hard, met great people, and yes, I'm ready to come home. I'm not over the moon, but I'm ready. Jesus You are GOOD.

posted by beautiful at 10:14 am

I never knew assembling boxes was so fucking hard. The Indian men you see at the airport with their boxes and their rolls of tape obviously have elevated this stupid task to an art form. The tape scrunches up, goes anywhere but along the joint you're trying desperately to seal, and basically just fucks up your entire Saturday afternoon. Fuck this shit!

posted by beautiful at 8:33 pm

Kester sent me a message last night saying 'eh get your ass back to s'pore leh.. when u coming back again?' which kind of took me by surprise because I wouldn't expect him of all people to (dare I say) want to see me again. Friends, I will see you sooner than later, and the thought somewhat psyches me up. But I must say the thought of moving home to my parents' and living with them once more has only just crossed my mind and I'm a little scared. It'll take more patience than I'm used to. It's going to be hard to face people everywhere, all the time; the new semester ahead; the weather. It'll take readjustment all over again. But that's life isn't it? everything will flow, and change is the only constant.

And where does the coming of Christ figure in the midst of personal tragedy (such liberties and indulgences are meant to be taken)? I'm not prepared. God I have gotten caught up in everything else--packing, parties, farewells, reunions. My mind has been all over the place, but not on You. Maybe the impending change is a good chance for me to reinvite You into my life, for me to focus on the steadfastness of Your presence and Your love amidst everything that's happening not just in my life but in this world. Maybe it's hard to believe and accept this in my weaker moments, but Lord remind me that it's harder to live without any kind of conviction. Let Christmas be a time of renewal and new beginnings. Please walk with me.

At the very least, I will leave this place knowing that I have done all I can. It really is time for a new beginning.

posted by beautiful at 6:37 pm