I honestly don't think I've ever been so mortified in my life. Can I come home now please.

posted by beautiful at 1:14 am

So my last day of school came and went. We had our feminism presentation this morning, and I got to dress up in pyjamas and put my hair in pigtails for the skit. As I waited for my romance lecture to start, I took Othello out onto the lawn hoping to get some reading done for my essay. But I found my concentration drifting. Looking in the direction of Matilda Bay, looking at the peacocks, looking at the people smoking on the grass. Remembering day one of orientation and standing in this very same lawn waiting for my orientation group to gather. Recalling the day after tennis I bought prawns by the river and cut back home through this route and stopped for a drink of water at the cooler. But because a lot of the time I let myself fall into the complacency of not thinking, I have let so many other moments slip by unnoticed. Lessons are over and done with, and my time in this school apart from the odd day I come to submit or collect an assignment, or seek refuge from the unproductiveness of home, has almost come to an end. This is an accomplishment, yes, but I cannot say goodbye yet. Not now, when I have only just started to feel less like a stranger to this place and its people. For all those Wednesdays I declined to take my camera out because I assumed there'd be many more to come, I should kick myself. I only have three left...

Anyhow, some people will recall how last semester back home, I very opportunely decided to develop a full-blown crush on my.. crush.. twelve weeks after I decided he was hot, and one week before the exams and we'd never see each other again for an entire semester. History has a retarded way of repeating itself. I now have a huge crush on this tall, skinny blond guy I've seen around since like, the first day I stepped onto campus. Recall how the last day of school for this semester is OVER. And only yesterday I decided he really really turns me on. But bad news and bad timing aside, I saw him so many times today we might as well have gone everywhere together. First I saw him in the library. Then I saw him again when he came into the cafe where I was having tea. Then I saw him through the window of my seminar room as he was walking off with some girl. Then I saw him again at the grocery store, and he was behind me in the checkout. I should have just made some stupid comment about how he should really stop stalking me, but no, I've missed too many opportunities before, why buck the trend now? DAMN IT! Remind me again when I'm a 40 year old spinster why I'm still single.

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I had a really quality conversation with a friend this evening about God and relationships. This beautiful girl, 8 years older than me and still single, is still waiting for God to lead her to the right one. She says that if God's in it, it'll work both ways. Best advice I've heard since I ever had anxieties. The depths to some peoples' faith can be so astounding and so humbling. I am learning really good stuff here. You are good.

posted by beautiful at 7:45 am

What a crazy week it's been. It was insane for me today, I spent an hour in the library running back and forth between the printer and computer at least fifteen times to print out my project because I had to change the page number manually for each and every page. Then I spent another hour out in the windy outdoors glueing them back to back with their illustrations. I had to get Johann to help me because none of my stinking group mates were around. And now I have to go down the road to dry my clothes because it's been stormy the past few days and I need dry pyjama pants to wear for the skit tomorrow. And I need to do my grocery shopping within the 22.5 minute spin cycle. And then I need to dash into the library and borrow the Run Lola Run DVD and watch it tonight. I have so little time left to appreciate the remainder of my stay here. Keep me going till Monday, Jesus.

posted by beautiful at 2:51 am