Today was special, but for very ordinary reasons. I woke up late, and we had a big pot of soup for lunch, sitting together in the humid, stuffy kitchen. I asked Jon how he adjusts to the different climates every time he comes home from abroad, and he asked 'why do you think I'm so grouchy all the time?'. It felt as if I was getting to know him at last, as if finally I understood one very small aspect of his character. That maybe all those times he gave me cause to hate him, it was really nothing personal.
Then Nick came home. His stuff was all over the living room--his backpack, his duty-free purchases, his 1-euro flamenco fans. I looked through his sketchbook, marvelling at his talent and seeing another culture through his eyes. I realised it was another of those rare moments when everyone was at home, and I liked that feeling of familiarity and warmth.
In the late afternoon, I spent some time talking to my father, something I haven't done in ages. Then I spent some time with my mum in companionable silence, which I know is unusual given how we're always either arguing or else she's listening to me gripe and bitch about something and everything. I subverted the parental-daughter status quo, and I think I like it.
Then in the evening, I went for Mass, celebrated by the Archbishop himself, and was reminded through the homily that I must let His will be done. Not my will, but His. It's funny how the simplest lines can strike you sometimes. They're not the most poetic, nor the most original. You've heard them maybe fifty times before, but they still mean something, and they somehow make all the things that matter cease to matter.
Finally, I ended the day in Chinatown. For a boiling hot day, the night was pleasantly warm without the humidity. Karen and I walked about the streets, not quite knowing where we were going (and where we were going to eat), and I luxuriated in the spontaneity of the moment. It's different from being in town, where the only place to go is straight ahead into the throng of people and you keep ending up at the same old places over and over again. We ate dim sum, roamed the little streets looking at the cheap stuff on sale, staring at a roof-top bar trying to decipher if it was a pair of hands sticking out, basically in agreement that this was a pretty damn cool experience.
My bus ride home was a blessing from God--barely a 2 minute wait. I heard some great songs. I laughed out loud at some nasty jokes Karen sent me (don't think these were God's blessings though). I had a long phone conversation with Irene about all kinds of dumb, mundane things. I think I know what made this entire day so special, special enough for me to be up blogging about it way past midnight. Because for everything that happened today, I was acutely aware of my place in it and how amazing it felt to just be with the people I love and to appreciate the good stuff while it's still there. It just feels SO good.
posted by beautiful at 10:38 am
I'm in a rather irritable mood today, so technically nothing's new. For starters, I paid nine bloody dollars to take six passport sized photos of me looking like a basketball, with my hair on one side twice as big as on the other.
Secondly, my mother keeps asking me questions about my brother's relationship with his ex, and the way she phrases the questions suggest that things are a certain way when indeed they are not. How the hell does she make things up in her mind man! AND she seems to expect me to tell her everything that I know, and I know very little, and if I did know anything I wouldn't be comfortable telling her everything word for word. She then asks me if I don't even trust my own mother. Like as if suddenly the mother-daughter relationship is hanging precariously in the balance. Oh. My. Gawd. I need to send official writs to my brothers beseeching them to go tell mum about their own personal lives . I am so damn sick of being gossip central.
Lastly my maid holds up an enormous pair of blue and black striped swimming trunks with tassles hanging down the middle and asks if they are mine. No, they are fucking not!! How does her mind conceive of that as something that I would a. wear and b. fit into?
Anyhow, the results came out today. I did not get any D's after all. God is very, very good. He is bigger than all my irritations. He is way above this, so that I too can be.
posted by beautiful at 3:59 am
