Friday night. Good times.



I can face the world again.

posted by beautiful at 9:43 pm

Burn Out...

Penitential service tonight was a very brisk affair. I went up, confessed the major sins, said my penance, timed my brother's session with Fr. Luke Fong, and was the first one out the door.

I have been absolved from my sins. I must pray for the strength to resist the temptation to sin again. Thank God for my health, my family, my youth.

There is a deep desire within me but I cannot put my finger on what it is. I'm tired and depressed a lot lately and I don't know what precipitated it... all I know is since the night my dreams became a film, I have been this way. It takes so much strength to convince myself that each new day is worth living. That rather than stay home and curl up in isolation, I should put on a smile and a brave front and go to school. At night I cannot fall asleep and in the morning I cannot wake up.

Trying to figure out what's wrong only makes me feel unbearably depressed. I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to go out there and interact and carry out the obligations that relationships bind me to. That way I won't even have to pretend anymore. So tomorrow, I will stay at home and spend some time with my parents and maybe I will remember what I'm all about. What this life of mine is all about.

posted by beautiful at 8:04 am

Something is amiss. I had four hours of non-sleep last night filled with shots from my subconscious. When it came to the parts I didn't like, I said 'cut'. The longest-running film in this story is the one about me. When I fell asleep at last, I dreamt that Kwa had come home.

Anyway, I miss Lisa. I miss Debbie. I miss Ling. I miss Hannah. I miss DQ. I want nostalgia so much, I even miss Irene and Lyd, and they're still here. Oh for heaven's sake. I should get a life.

posted by beautiful at 5:31 am