Wimbledon won me over. I love looking at London in the movies. I am irresistibly drawn towards the way everything seems to have a pulse. This forward-moving energy that sweeps you up along with it and makes you feel alive. The sense of it all is unspeakably romantic, and I think the word for it all is zeitgeist.

posted by beautiful at 10:18 am

Anxiety Attack
I don't know what my thesis will be, or if I can come up with enough brilliant ideas to answer the question. But of course I've jumped the gun. I went to the library to do research on a question that has no direction. Of course it was unproductive. As I wander up and down the aisles and hustle to the photocopy room, I can't help but wander if I know what I'm doing. Or worse, if I'll have to repeat all this on Saturday morning for fresh, RELEVANT material.

Should I stick to the familiar questions and repeat old ideas, when a. I said all this on my midterm and have no idea if I'll get a C for it and b. I should be striving to answer a different question so as to facilitate exam preparation ie. think long term? Can I even attempt to answer the questions based on the texts that will only be covered in class 3 days before the deadline? Am I getting histrionic or does the system just suck?

Breathe in. Breathe out. This too shall come to pass.

posted by beautiful at 2:46 am

Sick of studying, I am.
Sick of Yeats but I have only just begun.
I feel dread just looking at my organiser and seeing the mountains of work I have to face in the coming weeks.
No, knowing that other people are suffering too does not comfort me.
This doesn't feel like it makes sense in the slightest. Neither the poetry nor the circumstance.
I am full but I feel hungry. If I feel like I'm not learning anymore should I stop?

posted by beautiful at 2:24 am