I don't remember being in such a pissy mood in at least a week, and the credit goes entirely to Benjamin and Jonathan. The former for stacking his magazines vertically in the cabinet, and when I pulled it open this shower of FHMs came crashing down, nearly hitting me on the head. Had that happened, it would have been a greater mercy to have me concussed on the floor. The latter, however, would be pleased to know that he is in a class of his own, because his selfishness and idiocy is unrivalled. He eats my dinner and leaves me with no option but to eat oily fish, oily fish cake and oily fishballs from downstairs. This just makes Friday food so much more appetising YEAH? He uses the computer and doesn't tell me when I get ICQ messages from people who are studying overseas and whom I have barely even communicated properly with since they left. One day, I am going to snap, and then I will yell and yell and yell in their faces, get punched up real bad, and God will have taken me to His loving and above all, merciful bosom.

Edited April 3 Saturday 3.14pm

I wanna smack your bloody face, rip all your clothes, slash the springs on your mattress. Don't you bloody DARE close my conversation windows again. Have some respect for the other people living in this house, asshole.

posted by beautiful at 7:39 am

I just witnessed the most petrifying thing since the lecher in the lift. This packs about a hundred times the horror.

I was waiting for the bus outside Lucky Plaza and I noticed this girl who was standing in front of me cos her two calves didn't close together (presumably either cos that's just her bone structure or cos her thighs are so big.. well yeah you get the picture) Anyway she was carrying this bag that had a newspaper collage print on it, that was striking cos it was a pretty unusual design. Right.

Then I noticed this other girl walk towards the bus stop. She was pretty big sized - ok I noticed her primarily cos I had earlier remarked that most Singaporean women were slim - and she had this really protruding stomach beneath this multicoloured striped top. I'm not making fun of her, I'm just stating what was obvious. So she walked towards me and I caught her eye, but then I looked away. I saw her approach the girl with the unusual bag and stand really close to her. Do they know each other?

So the big girl puts her hand on unusual girl's bag and says: I love your bag!
Unusual girl: Thanks. (with her face turned sideways to talk to big girl, I can tell that she's quite pretty)
Big girl: (staring into Unusual girl's face) Such pretty earrings! I love your style!
Unusal girl: (mumbles something)
Big girl: Are you a model?
Unusual girl: (mumbles something)
Big girl: (puts a hand around the Unusual girl's upper arm, as if to see how thick it is, and I think OMG first you invaded her personal space, and now you're feeling her flab??
Unusual girl, hereon called Lamb to the Slaughter: (mumbles something)
Big girl: (laughs and plants a huge kiss on Unusual girl's right cheek, and I think WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) What's your name?
Lamb to the Slaughter: Val. (she doesn't even flinch!)
Big girl: (bursts into song) I'M MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm so bloody freaked out, I look at the man sitting on the bench next to me. I can tell that he knows what's going on, but there is no expression on his face. I decide it's time to run for my dear life, I did after all make eye contact with the world's biggest weirdo, and I may be next in line for the sacrifice. No way was I gonna stick around to see the end result of this blooming romance. I walked to the end of the bus stop, pretending to talk on my handphone so that no one would come up to me and tell me they like my style, and I notice that Big girl has boarded 502. Just to make sure I'm really safe, I make a trip to 7-11 and make an impulse buy of sweets just to calm my nerves.

I am so wired now. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'll probably have nightmares of really scary looking size 14s come up to me and grab my flabby arms. In retaliation I will grab their paunches and use them as steering wheels. Oh fuck fuck fuck. How the hell did that girl remain so cool?

posted by beautiful at 5:42 am