I haven't felt so stressed in such a long time. For the past 2 days now, I have been really irritable and I lose my temper at the slightest things. I don't know what's going on... I just feel so pissed - with my family (especially with my family) and with the way school workload is so high, with day to day issues like missing the bus, or getting whacked on the head by a cupboard door that blew open, or by the things that someone says, by plans that don't go according to plan... Everything has the potential to set off this rage inside me... I don't know where to go...

posted by beautiful at 9:12 pm

Yeah, weekend at last! I am so happy, can breathe easily now after a hectic week. Some of my friends have fallen ill from the sudden flood of stress, thankfully I'm still on my feet.

Last night I had a cell group meeting - it's been the first time in 3 years that I've entered into something so spiritual, and it brought back some memories. A lot of sharing, as expected. I know I was rather inhibited, and I had a lot of difficulty expressing myself ( it seems to be the case very often these days). I wonder if I'll be able to let go and grow? The thing is, I have never found it easier to feel the community spirit than in a church group. It's so weird how I had never met the other 7 people last night before, yet I wasn't distinctly uncomfortable or out of place. Instinctively I felt like I could trust them, and that if I wanted to, I could find support and comfort there. Among those strangers. It was hard to open up, but easy to be honest. Maybe because no one would have judged, simply out of Christian fellowship.

Debs is probably in Michigan now. I had a short email from her that day, she is fine, enjoying the weather and looking forward to seeing her school. Sometimes I get all paranoid, and I worry that I won't get to see her again. How I miss her, and how everything has the potential to remind me of her! Paul thinks it's harder to be left behind than to leave. Hey buddy, while you were in Blair you said that you wouldn't ever gain weight. Wrong. You got prosperous too.

posted by beautiful at 1:24 am