I remember seeing this girl's ex-boyfriends' name scratched onto her arm. She used a scriber.. or whatever it is you call that sharp metal thing you use in the technical workshop. There was this other girl who poked a needle through her ear-lobe, and a safety-pin through her fingernail. These two girls seemed to have it all, so why did they still want to hurt themselves? It is true, isn't it, that you'll never be contented with what you have. The poor want more than their ratty blankets and scraps of food. The rich want more than their five cars and holiday homes. All material things that we cannot classify as 'needs' have come to be fillers for emotional bankruptcy. Is education the means to happiness, or merely personal success? Is success a means to happiness?
posted by beautiful at 5:07 am
Slide your feet up the street, bend your back
Shift your arm, then you pull it back
Life is hard, you know (oh whey oh)
So strike a pose on a Cadillac.
There's this girl.. some sort of spiritual rock... she thinks God hopes everyone will be happily and wonderfully married, unless of course they have callings. I ask her 'Do you think God has included me?' 'Yes', she says. I have hope! I may not have to drive a red spinster car around, and I may not be a hamster lady.
You know how to compromise.
Do you ever feel like the nasty, mean things people say are always easiest to believe? Conversely, do you believe people when they compliment you? Or do you adopt the Chinese manner of blushing and insisting that no, you're not worthy of such praise (although you are secretly pleased)? You can be surrounded by all these nice people and they tell you things you'd like to hear, but do you buy it? I tell the spiritual rock 'I don't see it but since you do it must be true'. We laugh.
posted by beautiful at 3:37 am
We all make mistakes... and we're not perfect...
There have been things I've said in moments of pride that hurt people I claim to care about, but somehow I've been forgiven. I was out with some friends last week and we were talking about past relationships. Talking about saying sorry. You can see the silent regret that cannot be erased.If you hurt someone years ago but only realised it now that you've gotten a taste of your own medicine, would you look up that person and apologise? Of course the desire for reconciliation is strong. You want to let that person know how truly sorry you are. You want to un-do their pain, hoping this will un-do yours.
I believe there is little point (in certain cases) in dredging up the past. No point asking why, and justifying it with your yearly-acquired maturity. Mistakes have been made, blame has been shifted, tears have been shed too many times, emotional debts have been paid by the friends you lose and the hollow feeling that catches up with you when you realise 'I've screwed up'. I think it's enough to feel sorry and to acknowledge that you've let someone down, and to want to put it right. It's brave to admit your fault, but it's probably stupid to dig through scabs once they've started healing. Just let it be.
posted by beautiful at 3:07 am
