I quit.

posted by beautiful at 3:40 am

The fact that I had a bad day is an understatement. If I could restart from 8.30am, this is what I would have done instead: I would have brought my mp3 player on the road with me knowing that I would need it on my journey home. I would have not gotten angry when my superviser informed me last minute that I had to do overtime tomorrow because I thought I would be getting home late. I would not have called my colleague a kaypoh for trying to get me out of doing overtime. I would have had a better nights' sleep so that I could have dealt with today's endless streeam of customers better. I would have been calmer.

I am angry I am let down I am pissed off I am really mad I am disappointed I am cynical I am too trusting I am miserable I am tired I am stressed out I am jaded I am sick I am hurt I am weak I am fed up I am cross I am overworked I am spoiled I am selfish I am dreamless I am on the verge of giving up I am pushing myself on but I dunno why I am aware I am unaware I am futile I am useless I am howling I am crying I am sobbing I am contorting I am screaming I am moaning I am complaining I am whining I am bleeding I am losing I am selling out I am quitting I am breaking I am holding my head in my hands

I have hurt I have disappointed I am have killed I have murdered I have stolen I have lied I have cheated I have thought of myself far more than I should have thought of others I have let down I have caused pain I have caused tears I have taken I have given nothing I have worshipped the wrong things I have been envious I have been naughty I have been judgmental I have been bad but I think I have tried to be good though I have failed

posted by beautiful at 6:02 am

I tripped today. In front of the gorgeous, dark and smothering guy who works in Pizza Hut. I only found out when I had turned into my shop and looked back to see that he was passing by. Why am I such a bloody klutz? I swear, I have never walked on the marble floor outside my shop without stumbling. The contractor who did the flooring just sucks man. From now on I'm going to just lunge if the need to go across the second floor arises. That's the freaking problem with sneakers, there's just too much friction. It would definitely help if the ground was level. I bet everyone now thinks that I'm some unglamorous twat who waddles around with two left feet and an ass the size of Russia.

And I am sure you know about my obsession with cleanliness and how I hate touching dustbin covers and any kind of door with a handle. Basically, anything that is constantly being handled by any member of the general public, ie. the uncle who just wanked in the bus, the woman who wiped her ass but didn't wash her hands, the kid who just unearthed twelve boogers from his nose, etc. So of course when it comes to doors, I tend to not use my hands but rather, my feet which are hygienically wrapped up in sock and shoe. [Like hello, does it not defeat the purpose of washing your hands with soap when you have to push open the door which has been in contact with all manner of bodily secretion?] And yes, Mr Gorgeous Pizza Delivery Guy caught me in the very fashionable act of using my foot as an instrument to push open the door leading to the toilet. This was the second time. I believe I am destined to be uncool.

posted by beautiful at 7:06 am