TO DAPHNE: NO. OF DAYS YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR SUEDE TICKET = 2
There's a Sistic outlet at Parkway.
I'm very unhappy. I just want to be alone for a while. Goodbye, world.
posted by beautiful at 6:42 am
Images from my day
Two little white boys walking barefoot on the hot pavement
A plastic bag blowing in the wind..like in American Beauty...
A man and a woman sitting side by side in their Merc. Companionship.
A girl put her boyfriend's arm around her waist...
It's amazing how it feels as if you're watching a movie when you listen to some music and look out the bus window on your way someplace. Everything has a story behind it. Or at least, you can imagine there's one. Like when a woman comes into the shop and rents 8 VCDs, you think,
she must be a tai-tai with nothing to do. Or when a man snaps
Why do you want to know if I'm married as he fills out the membership form - you think it must be a sensitive issue. Touchy.
Someone messaged me yesterday to say sorry 'for everything. for ever drifting away and all'. A year later, I can still think of a hundred million snappy retorts to say, I can't imagine why I haven't completely healed. I said
what do you hope to gain by apologising? what do you expect me to say? 'Nothing really. I just feel like a ******* [name of another person with whom I have a sour relationship] and I know how you feel about him. Well I guess I ruined your day.'
Oh please you over estimate yourself. If there's anything you ruined, it's this friendsip. You're not a *******, you're just a guy. 'Well then there's no chance we could start over.'
Hell, no. Suili thinks I sound angry. Yes, I am. There was no resolution to such a tragedy, and the hole was left to fill itself with empty memories. Time is no substitute in some cases. So I'm sitting at Fat Frog and listening to this guy, who sings better than Stevie Wonder, and he sings the song I quoted when I thought a friend was drifting away. I smile because it's uncanny, because she's sitting opposite me now, and because someone else's pain can sound so good.
Lately I have had the strangest feeling...
posted by beautiful at 6:52 am
I'll be your dog, be my god
Just funny lyrics from a Suede song I'm listening to. Today I met with some of the friends with whom I've spent the largest part of my JC experience. All special in one way or another - there were two others who should have been there but were away, I suppose you know who you are, and I miss you and wish you could have been there. Anyway, I am glad to see how different people from different aspects of my life - TSD, ex secondary school, etc - can come together for
my sake. Part of today's lunch replayed in my head while I was eating leftover ham for dinner and I laughed out loud, prompting my maid to give me a weird look. It was a memorable day and I can't wait for the photos to come out! Ok, I'll stop reminiscing here because I'm aware that the quality of the writing is abysmal. Honestly I wonder when I'll see most of them again.
I just need to know one thing: Cherry how'd you find your pizza?
Back to work tomorrow. Actually I'm quite looking forward to it, I've been slacking so much in the past 5 days, enjoying almost every minute with relatives, family, friends, people who make me what I am. I'm finishing Atomised, I could finish it tonight if I wanted. Oh, my brother's girlfriend Giselle says that the turquoise shirt I bought him is ugly. She said it looks like a neighbourhood school uniform [yah yah yah, in Malaysia where she's from more like it] and that she thought I had better taste. Like as if the mould-green shirt she bought him was nice. Granted, he chose it for himself, but if she's gonna fork out money to buy an ugly British India shirt for him, she can't be any smarter than me. Humph. Anyway who is she to talk, I have my brothers' interests at heart. At least I know that turquoise brings out his tan. What's the point of buying a mould-green shirt that looks nice on the rack but looks convalescent on him? I can't believe how short sighted some people are. Oooh, Positivity..
Hey that was ironic. Alright, I'm tired of being hunched over the screen. Time to watch TV. Merry Christmas to you sweethearts.
posted by beautiful at 4:53 am
Fishing for a major
My bro gave me a book entitled Fishing For A Major. I'm quite excited about it, though I am not finished with Atomised and still have Angela's Ashes and Mill on the Floss to start with. I also have a new book on philosophy -hmmmmm. I wish I had time to sit down and just feed my impoverished mind, but it seems I won't be having the time to do so for the next few months. I've given up a lot socially just so I can go to work, now I'm wondering if I made a mistake in starting so early, or even starting at all? There are friends whom I badly want to meet up with and talk to, but each time I have to say 'no'. Call me paranoid, but if I don't have any more friends soon, we'll all know why.
Oh yeah, Merry Christmas! Although it's beginning to sound like a hollow repetition. What I mean is, may everyone in the world experience the joy of the season and understand the spirit of giving. Personally, Christmas for me is being able to spend it with your loved ones and appreciate the fact that you've come into each others' lives. It's like a reunion of souls, because a greater being has come into our midst. I feel like a total Christmas scrooge. It may be Christmas, but somehow I'm still not capable of checking my temper, swallowing my irritation, biting back my hurtful words. Could it be that I have failed myself again? How many Christmases before I stop getting chances to prove myself?
posted by beautiful at 10:38 pm
