Here she comes with her tissue-box... yes, still sick and stuck at home... I can't help but think of the money I won't be earning while I'm on two days MC but I am also grateful to be at home where I can walk around all day in my pyjamas. This could not come at a better time, I can finally finish some reading, reflect on the meaning of Christmas, blog all day and eat my maid's food, something I've missed while working [even though I complain about it under normal cirumstances] To put my flu in perspective, it has made me think about some of the things I've normally taken for granted.

10 things to be grateful for this Christmas

1. Health. Not the never-fall-sick kind of health, but the kind where I don't have terminal illness and hafta live in hospital.
2. Family. Jon called home from New York 2 days ago, and I kind of missed his overbearing nonsense. It also made me realise that although he's so harsh on me, he does love me in a tiny tiny way, and for now it's good enough.
3. Friends. Something that still confuses me, but I'm thankful for nonetheless.
4. Pets. My Dumplings have been reunited thanks to yours truly.
5. A job. I suppose there are people out there who have trouble finding one, so I shan't complain about the long hours or distance just yet - after all it does give me some financial independence.
6. The fact that I'll be getting my pay soon and can go guilt-free shopping.
7. Religion. This is the reason I have to celebrate. A pillar of strength. A friend in loneliness. A guide in the dark.
8. My Christmas stocking. I like the white pom-poms that fall by its side.
9. Suede are coming in January and I already have a ticket. Plus, Obsessions is finally on the screen!
10. The weather is better than at any other time of the year.

Am I still me?

posted by beautiful at 6:47 pm

It's my off day and I'm sick. Woooopppeeeee.
I bought a new cage so I could separate my Dumplings today. They have been fighting for about 3 days already and one of them is severely traumatised. I have realised that Kancheong is not simply a paranoid rodent, it is one hell of a retarded half-wit. Not to mention a big frigging bully. I miss the days when they loved one another. But then again, Virginia Woolf was quoted about a man and a woman fighting and making up, something about the human condition. I cannot remember it -anyone?

To all those who have not bought their Suede tickets, go before the year ends all right? And anyone has ideas what I can give the band during their next trip here? Lacy panties out of the question.

Another thing. Some people owe me money for Charlene Han's present. I'm so broke after shopping I need to claim: show me the money!

posted by beautiful at 12:59 am

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posted by beautiful at 6:42 am

All right. I've decided that if I'm going to have to vent my frustration, the best object will be the prom. Fucking prom.
Reading the past few entries has made me realise how depressed I've been [and how unaware of it] I've been since that stupid night of pseudo-elegance, pseudo-glamour, pseudo-graduation-goodbye-we'll-miss-you-let's-all-be-friends-forever. Damn the prom. Damn growing up.

posted by beautiful at 6:26 am

I saw the last 20 seconds or so of Obsessions on MTV just now. Brett singing into the mic in front of a live audience I think, and there were lots of fans and subtitles popping out. I was so annoyed that I didn't turn on the telly three minutes earlier since I've been waiting forever to see it.

Question of the day: Why am I feeling so bleah when I've been looking forward to December all year long? I should be happy and excited and cheerful and hyper, but all I want to do is... vegetate at home... It's five days to Christmas and I'm not ready. I don't think I've experienced peace, joy, hope or love. I don't feel any Christmas spirit. On a superficial level, I haven't even finished buying my presents. Like Sassoon, I cannot seem to envision a life beyond today. Like if I just go through life not thinking or feeling, I'll be all of seventeen and maybe I'll return to school in January and I'll be reunited with my friends again. I used to think that 'I don't know' were three words that made up the lamest excuse ever. Now, I'm going to have to use it.

posted by beautiful at 6:22 am

I know I'm supposed to be tired, but goodness gracious, isn't Maureen's boyfriend such a dreamy guy? *sigh*
Paul, he's SO good-looking. I suppose of everyone here you're the only one who knows what he looks like.
Oh, and I met my cute neighbour in the lift today. He is so charming. Putting on weight though, but that makes him perfect for me. Grunt.

posted by beautiful at 6:20 am

First day of work today. 80% of the people who came in have ang-moh blood running through their veins, some are snooty, some are warm. This man came in with a Harry Potter VCD and raised it high above his head, roaring 'HARRY POTTEEEEER!' I'm on my feet half the time, and that makes it really tiring, plus I didn't have the sense to bring water with me so I was parched. The scanning shit is pretty complicated, and I so haven't gotten the hang of it. Let's just hope time will bring more experience, and I won't make a fool of myself in front of anyone.

Went for confession today. Trying very hard to stifle less-than-holy feelings that well up within. Anyway, I'm just so tired, and I have work again tomorrow, so goodnight...

posted by beautiful at 6:15 am