It's strange how much more exhausted I feel after a whole day out on the streets of Singapore, compared to a whole day out at Marine Parade Library studying for Greeks. Perhaps this is why adults muse about how much energy we young ones have. Because studying was never really difficult, or strenuous, as opposed to standing on your feet as a salesgirl, sitting on your ass doing projects nonstop as an office worker, or sweating your guts out under the sun as a manual labourer. More of the physical than the mental. Perhaps after this year I will become another weary, jaded person because I will forget how it is to be young, and to live for play, not work.
Indeed after the A level exams, I shared Cherrie's sentiments. 90% of what I reproduced on paper were not things I learnt, but things I memorised. The lessons/lectures/tutorials have taught me facts that will gradually fade from my memory, but I think I have learnt more about the dynamics of human relationships, life's hard lessons, the truth of sentiment vs. the truth of situation, and of course, about myself. I have taken stock of things that have happened to me, and these recollections and inner thoughts are invaluable. I am the greatest self-help book I know.
These two years have not failed to educate me, as every year under the Singaporean system has not failed to do. But what I have gained in this school that no other school has given me, is knowledge.

posted by beautiful at 8:58 pm

posted by beautiful at 7:02 am

Happy Birthday Neil!

Last night's Dinner and Dance sparked off some theories in my head. I just realised that I'm truly on my way to adulthood. The signs are glaring at me - I'm going to be 18, and in some countries this is the age of adulthood. I won't be needing a pencil case for the next 8 months. Any self-respecting adult doesn't have a pencil case. Equation proves: I'm going to be an adult. I don't want to be old. One thing I've realised is that despite how I always say I dislike my country and the system, and even who I am, deep down inside this is the way I am. Here no elsewhere underwrites my existence. Looking at the view from Room 1704, I have found beauty in the country I have scorned, and I have found a desperate passion for my youth. A youth that I have been trying to escape from all throughout my teenage years.

Enough dwelling on things that cannot be reversed. I went for some sort of interview today. DQ's eager to know what happened - well I just sat there in the sitting room with this guy who owns the whole franchise business I think. He was explaining company mission statements to me, plus working hours, rosters, financial stuff, what he expects from customers, what he expects from workers...blah blah... I was so bored listening to him, because he repeated himself twice, and I was suffering from lack of sleep plus car-sickness, but he was really nice and he told me to treat the interview like a discussion, and kept asking me if I had questions for him. He asked me who my favourite actor was, and I'm so glad I didn't go blurt out JIM CAVIEZEL! or MICHAEL VARTAN! I was so cool, I said 'Tom Hanks' *implode* and he nods approvingly. Then I volunteer that I like Julia Roberts and he retorts that she's being overtaken by Reese Witherspoon, whom I cleverly bang down by saying 'She's stereotyped.' Not wise. At all. Damn you and your big mouth, BL. But he was not condescending, and he asked me what English movie I last watched. I regretfully told him -The Guru. How smart will that make me look?!? I should have lied, I should have said something like 'Dead Poets' Society'. I still hope I get the job though, because I attempted some mild boot-licking ie. smiling and nodding non-stop, looking hell interested, looking impressed, thanking him enthusiastically for his time. *groan*

Anyways, for those who are mildly interested in what I thought of the prom, it wasn't as great as I'd hoped it'd be. Hated the food, hated the facetiousness of it all, hated seeing some people. But on the whole, I tried my darnedest to enjoy myself, and at certain points, I truly did. Like when I took photos with my friends and sat down on the couch in the 'powder room'. And I liked parts of the performances. And the best part of yesterday? Seeing Valerie again and having just those few moments of her company. Second best part? Going to sleep in the hotel room while everyone else does the mainstream clubbing thing. I'm so proud.

Hannah: HAMGOOF. For fun.

posted by beautiful at 11:05 pm

50 positive things about myself - a narcissistic thing to be doing in the a.m...

1. I listen to Suede, not Linkin Park
2. I belong to the Arts faculty of ***, and though I pretend to scorn it, I am proud of it
3. I am not too young to be kept inside, but not old enough to be let into bad places like Zouk
4. I eat vegetables though I don't like them
5. I have the best mattress in the world
6. I am healthy despite my psychosomatic idiocies
7. I look like a Malay/Indonesian/Eurasian/Spaniard... anything but what I truly am...
8. I think I have ESP
9. I like to think [haha look at 8... well, though I think too much of myself, myself, myself]
10. I have a pretty good brain
11. I have a nice mixture of confidence and self-consciousness
12. I have wonderful friends from all over the place
13. I have 4 hamsters whom I spoil and get no love from in return
14. I speak better English than most Singaporeans?
15. I appreciate good humour, but not when it is used against me
16. I am scary to most people, which is fine since I don't like most people
17. I have had some of the best teachers in my life, in the form of Lofty, Mrs Leslie, and Mr D'Cruz whom we laugh at
18. I make people laugh with my uh, wit
19. I make people laugh with my disgusting stories
20. I am a sincere person
21. I can't speak Mandarin but I can read and write just fine
22. I am blessed to have a father unlike most others [who don't have fathers or don't have fathers like mine]
23. I live in a testosterone hole, so I understand males but don't necessarily like them
24. I take joy in small pleasures
25. I love to read
26. I am good at art but nobody knows
27. ...however art gives me a headache...
28. I love watching dumb stuff on TV
29. I am quite adept at sizing people up and judging them by their covers
30. I am terribly sensitive and perceptive
31. I am good at telling people what to do
32. I think I can be the best friend and worst enemy to anyone
33. I am loyal to my cause, unwavering in my beliefs
34. I know what is right and what is wrong
35. I speak really fast to save time
36. I walk really fast to save time
37. I can save time but cannot save money
38. I am responsible when I have to be, otherwise I'm not...
39. I have a giving mother whom I take advantage of but love dearly even though she doesn't know
40. I love to chill out
41. I am trying to work on becoming more independent
42. I am trying to be nicer to people but I often forget
43. I am deliriously happy that the A levels are over
44. I am Catholic. I am not staunch but this fact keeps me going
45. I am self-aware
46. I am not self-beware
47. I have a childhood friend whose mum believes in me and treats me with respect even though she's seen me go through hundreds of nasty phases
48. I don't like boys, men, and especially those in-between
49. I have big eyes and can see more
50. I am loved

posted by beautiful at 6:14 pm